Saturday, June 25, 2011

2.5 INCHES EQUALS 912.5 DAYS

What if I said two and a half inches of hair is equivalent
to nine hundred twelve and a half days
What if I said my eyes are opened and I see you....
the real you
What if I said I know why you took such pleasure in
hitting me with your verbal assaults
What if I said I know why you tried to break me
What if I said I know you are a scared and scarred little
boy trapped in the body of a grown man

What if I said two and a half inches of hair is equivalent
to nine hundred twelve and a half days
What if I said that cutting off two and half inches of hair
freed me from the debilitating hold you had over me
What if I said with each snip the scissors made was like
the key turningin the lock of the cage I allowes you to
imprison me in
What if I said with each snip of the scissors I reclaimed the
essence of who I am... who I truly am
What if I said with each snip of the scissors I got stronger
and gained confidence
What if I said with each snip of the scissors I saw the beauty
I possessed
What if I said with each snip of the scissors I felt a calm of
peace and self acceptance wash over me
What if I said with each snip of the scissors I forgave you

Friday, June 24, 2011

SHATTERED

Your words cut me to shreds
My self-esteem was demolished
Lying at my feet in a pool of red
Shocked into silence I didn't know what to do I cried and fell to my knees
trying to gather the remnants of my shattered self-esteem
It could not be saved
No glue could repair the damage
I retreated
All that ran through my head were your words....
FAT, UGLY , STUPID, WORTHLESS, NO MAN WANTS YOU, YOU'LL BE ALONE FOREVER,
ALL YOU'RE GOOD FOR IS SEX, NO MAN WANTS TO BE SEEN WITH A FAT PIG LIKE YOU...
These words were on repeat in my brain
So many tears fell
Red brimmed eyes
Nose raw from tissues
Lips swollen from the salt of my tears
All I could do was stand there holding what remained of my self-esteem
I honestly asked God to stop me from breathing because the pain was to
great to bear
Thankfully God listens but He doesn't always give us what we ask
I continued to breathe
Numbly going through my life
I had checked out of this world
You had all but killed me
Everyday I stared at the pieces of my self-esteem on the ground
One day I picked up a piece and I held it close to my heart
Everyday I picked up a piece until my self-esteem was put back together
Fragile but whole
Gaining strentgh everyday

FOR A MOMENT

For a momenet
Did the scent of jasmine and honeysuckle
fill your senses
And you could not find the source

For a moment
Did you see a brilliance of colors and patterns
overtake your world of solids and neutrals
And you were confused

For a moment
Did you feel a hand intertwine with yours
And looked down to find your hand empty

For a moment
As you looked out the window
Did you feel two arms wrap around you
and a head placed on your shoulder
And you leaned back into the embrace only
to realize you were alone

For a moment
As you sat from a stressful day with your eyes closed
Did you feel someone massage away your tension
And you opened your eyes to find the room empty

For a moment
As you were sleeping
Did you feel a light kiss on your lips
that awakened you
And you discovered you were in bed alone

For a moment
Did you hear someone whisper
"I love you"
And your heart melted and ached because
no one was there

For a moment
My essence imprinted on your memory and soul
So that when you find me
You know

Friday, June 17, 2011

AND STILL I RISE

You have put me down with your negativity
Your words and actions have weighed heavily on my spirit
I became so bogged down that each day it was tortuous to move
My light dimmed and my spirit became weak
I just fell down face first onto the ground
Eyes closed
In the distance I heard you laugh
You told your minions "She is down She will not rise Victory is mine!"
I lay on the ground face down and I prayed "God give me the courage to turn over"
He heard my prayer
I turned over to my back
I felt the light on my face
In the distance you still laughed
Your laughter made me open my eyes
Your laughter taunted me
Your laughter annoyed me because you claimed victory too early
It started as a thought in my head that I could not voice because I was weak
That thought became my mantra "And still I rise"
My eyes opened
My spirit was battered and bruised
My body ached from the fight
I was tired and worn out from the battle
I so wanted to quit
Then I heard your laughter again
It annoyed me
I repeated my mantra "And still I rise"
I lay there and looked up
I smiled
The darkness you sent to dim my shine was going away
My spirit was bathed in the waters of unconditional love and infinite hope

I now whisper "And still I rise"
My strength has returned
My light is shining bright
I now shout "And still I rise"
I am like a phoenix rising out of the flames
You thought you had defeated me
You thought you had dimmed my shine
You thought it was over
Well you were WRONG
I burst through the flames of despair hopelessness hate and jealousy
I rise out of the fire

You have put me down
You have ridiculed me
You have made me the butt of your jokes
And still I rise
You have spread rumors
You have lied
You have stolen
And still I rise
You have taken what was mine
You have turned others against me
You have isolated me
And still I rise
You have put obstacles in my path
You have tripped me
You have stabbed me in the back
And still I rise
You have told me what I can't do
You have told me I would fail
You have told me I was a fool
And still I rise

I rise because I know who I am
I rise because I know my worth
I rise because I know I am loved
I rise because ssuccess is my destiny
I rise because it annoys you
Most importantly I rise because its God's will
My shine is bright
My spirit is light
Because still I rise

Saturday, June 11, 2011

CLOSED

My heart is closed until further notice. I am so tired of you not seeing ME. All you see is my weight, color of my skin, and hair. I'm too heavy for you? I can fix that ... BYE. My skin isn't dark enough or too dark for you? I can fix that ... BYE. My hair is too curly, too straight, too natural, too long, too short or the wrong... color? I can fix that ... BYE. I love my black brothers with all my heart, but you have done me a disservice. I will fight to the death for you, but you won't do the same for me. How sad. I will no longer give you access to my heart or anything else until you take your blinders off and truly see me. ....CLOSED

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

FORBIDDEN TO LOVE YOU

I have roamed the Earth for centuries looking for you
Your scent feels my senses
The vision of your face is etched in my mind
My skin still remembers your caresses
Lovers so long ago
Yet you don't remember me

A love so timeless yet never the right time
I have travelled across deserts, over oceans, through forests....
I have braved the elements to get to you
I have moved mountains and people just to be in your presence
I have died to protect you
Yet you don't remember me

No matter the time or place
I always find you
Drawn to you because you are my soul .... mate
Waiting for you to recognize me so that I can be freed from the prison of lonliness
Yearning for the kiss that breathes renewed life into this tired body
Aching for the touch that ignites me with passion and inflames my skin with heat
Seeking the look of recognition in your eyes
Yet you don't remember me

My journey continues
Tears fall as I roam the Earth
Knowing that one day soon you will recognize me

Sunday, June 5, 2011

POOF

I am so tired of your superficiality
What you accuse me of being is what you actually are
The grand statement of beauty is in the eye of the beholder is bullshit
"Baby I want to get to know the real you"
"You're beautiful inside and out"
"I want you to be my wifey"
LIES
You said this thinking I would just be so enamoured and poof ... the panties would drop
Guess you were wrong

You say I have a long list of requirements
And I think I deserve everything
And I have very little to offer
Women like me should just settle for what we can get
Hmmm.... this you say thinking I will fold and poof ... the panties would drop
You were wrong.... again

In your mind you're a great catch
You're offering me the chance of a lifetime
Many women want to be with you
But you're offering "all of this" to me
"Woman you better get me while the getting is good'
"This is your last chance"
I have to laugh because I know you say this hoping to reach my desperation and poof ... the panties would drop
Wrong

Ponder what you said
As you watch my ass walk out the door
Sweetie your loss not mine
Now I wonder whose desperation is showing
Click

Saturday, June 4, 2011

QUEEN

I am a Queen
Magnificence
I am not your hoe, dime piece, side chick, bitch or whatever word of degradation you decide to use
I have no time or tolerance for this foolishness
I am tired of little boys masquerading as grown men
So get ta steppin

Only a true King can recognize my true beauty and worth
Only he sees my heart, my mind,my spirit
Only he is allowed into my realm
Only he knows my secrets and dreams
Only he has my love

I am not a snob
I just know who I am
I am descended from Queens and Kings
I will not settle for less than what is my right
I am a Queen
Magnificence